My (Crazy) Family

'Ello, people! I've already told you a bit about my family, but I thought that I'd go into more detail. Bwahaha. I promise to tell only the truth. ...the truth as I see it, of course. I hope that you won't be scared off by my descriptions of my parents and sisters, because when you get to how wonderful I am, none of those things will matter.

There are seven members in my family: Dad (David), Mom (Regina), me (Rachel), Torie, Charis, Alia, and Hanissa. Oh wait. I forgot -- there are eight members... I forgot the dog, who believes she's a person. Yes, the dog is female, too. My poor father!

My dad is the tech dude that everybody in our community comes to for questions. He simply has to walk into a room and an electronic device will start working properly. I am not exaggerating here. We often have problems with our Apple TV and computers. These problems most often occur when my dad is out of the house. As soon as he steps back into the room, they start working again. It sort of creeps me out, sometimes. Oh, and by the way. My dad is a total Mac person, and has taken it upon himself to convert all PC users over to the dark side. Another point to make on my father is that he lives to get reactions from people. I'm pretty sure my sisters and I inherited that trait from him. We will be talking about something when out of the blue, he will say something extremely strange and weird everybody out. The most common reactions to things he says include, "AHHH, UNCLE DAVID!!!!", "Oooookay...", "... GROSS!", "Erm...", and "... o.O ... o.o ... O.O".

Then there's Mom. As Alia said a couple years back, Mom simply walks and breaths. I am certainly glad that is not all my dear mother does, because if that were the case, who would do all my laundry and cook all my meals?? My sisters would not hesitate beating me up if I tried turning them into my personal slaves. So that leaves Mom. She does a wonderful job at those things, too -- when she doesn't force me into doing my own chores once in a while. I'm very compliant when threatened to have my phone, iPod, and/or computer taken away. Mama has always been a stay-at-home mom. She says it's because she wants to be able to spend "quality time" with my sisters and I. But, I'm pretty sure she really just wants to keep her eye on us. Looking back, I understand at least part of the reason as to why my mom is so crazy. My sisters have a way of affecting people's minds in that way. And because Mom spends the majority of her day with them, it's easy to understand how easily she lost it. I'm convinced my mother was perfectly sane before Torie was born. Now, Mom takes joy in the smallest of things, and amusement in things even smaller. Now, Mom gets into a taxi and starts rattling off to the Chinese taxi driver. In English. During which, my sisters and I sink low in the back seat of the car.

Torie. Oh Torie. People who know her best will understand what I mean when I say "Oh Torie." Her entire personality is displayed within those two little words. Torie is a second-born child. All my experience with second children is that they have a mischievous side. Torie is the quietest of my sisters. Because of that, people often think she is shy and sweet and innocent. Don't let her deceive you. She is evil. When she's quiet, we are worried. And since she is quiet a lot, we are worried a lot. One of her favorite pastimes is tormenting her loving, wonderful, gracious, adoring oldest sister, who doesn't deserve what is thrown at her. Torie has been known for her spiderwebs. To fill you in on what that is, exactly, a "spiderweb" is an indestructible web of rope and blankets, created for the sole intent of keeping me out of my room. Many a time have I opened my door, unaware of what awaited me within. It is quite a job trying to weave my way through the web to make it to my bed -- which is only about four feet from the door. Not only is Torie famous for her spiderwebs, but she is also well-known for silly-string, permanent markers (which are applied to a sleeping person's body), and hanging stuffed animals by the neck. And, you know there's something seriously wrong with her when she's asked what she'd buy with $10, $50, and $100 and she answers, "Duct tape, rope, and nets." Anyway, she has taught these skills to Charis and Alia, so I am quite outnumbered.

Charis, I love you, my sister. But sometimes, you scare me. I'm not talking about the times you've tackled me, tickled me to near-death, and unleashed ferocious five-year-olds on me. No, no, what scares me about Charis is how quickly she can change expressions. She'll be giving a sweet smile to one of our friends, when all of the sudden, she'll spot her victim (oftentimes, that victim is moi) and lose all traces of that angelic expression she had earlier displayed. Her eyes will get big and her mouth will open and she'll make a strange growling noise, glaring at the other person for no apparent reason. Then when you're staring back at her in surprise, she'll turn all angelic again, happy that she got a reaction (remember what I said about my dad?). Then, there's the fact that she's disgustingly like my father where electronics are concerned. For the longest while, she was the only one of my sisters who knew which input the TV had to be on in order to play the Wii, watch a DVD, listen to music on the Apple TV and how to plug the computer into the TV. I am happy to say that I have learned how to do all of those things. Charis taught me, giving me face-palms and shaking her head in pity each time I forgot.

Alia is... well, to put it simply, she's Alia. She's been the baby of the family for ten years, so she'll pretty much always see herself that way. And ooooh, does she use her position to her advantage. We were at Krispy Kreme one day, and were getting our free, hot, glazed donuts. Alia finished hers, and went back up for another. The workers took one look at that sweet little face and those puppy-dog eyes and melted like the glaze on the donut. She came back to our table with a victorious grin on her face and another glazed donut in her hand. That trick didn't work for the rest of us. Typical. One of the worst decisions my parents could have ever made concerning Alia was putting her in TaeKwonDo. I am now in mortal danger. Alia seems to think it makes perfect sense to practice her new kicks and punches on me. Being abused seems to be my lot in life.

Then there is Hanissa, whom I have never actually met personally. Hopefully I'll meet her in about a month or so. My parents have told me that she will fit right into our family, though. So I'm expecting further abuse in the future.

Despite all I've said so far, my family isn't completely crazy. My dad is the most amazing guy ever. He works hard, stands firm, and loves to spend time with his family. But most of all, he leads this family in service to the Lord. Mom is so patient with my sisters and I. She's with us throughout the day and has a full-time job as mother, wife, teacher, and housekeeper. And she does wonderfully at all three. Torie is always careful to include other people. She encourages others and is a peace-keeper. Charis is strong-willed, which means that she won't be easily swayed from something she believes in. She also has a servant's heart, helping out wherever she sees a need. Alia is our outgoing one. She is the one who has made friends with local children, and who will go up and interact with people she has never met. Alia also does well at cheering people up when they are down.

So there is my description of my family. They're awesome, they're amazing, they're nuts. What more could I ask for? :)