Complete Surrender: Part 1

The secret of life is letting go

The secret of love is letting it show

In all that I do, in all that I say

Right here in this moment

The power of prayer is in a humble cry

The power of change is giving my life

And laying it down, down at Your feet

Right here in this moment

Take my heart, take my soul

I surrender everything to Your control

And let all that is within me lift up to You and say

I am yours and Yours alone

Completely

This journey of life if a search for truth

This journey of faith is following You

Every step of the way, through the joy and the pain

Right here in this moment

-- "Completely" by Ana Laura

Recently, I've been struggling a lot with surrender. I talk the talk really well, telling other people to just surrender to God and let Him lead and guide you. After all, wouldn't it be easier to just surrender to Him and let God take care of everything for us?

Ha. It should be, but it is not as easy as I often make it out to be to other people and even to myself. In most things, I'm pretty flexible, surrendering what I want in order to make someone else happy. That's what comes with being a people pleaser. However, that is not the kind of surrender I am talking about -- I'm talking about surrendering the harder things in life. Along with being fairly flexible, I can also be pretty stubborn in lots of things, wanting to have things my own way rather than God's way.

This past semester at Liberty University, my Evangelism professor challenged all of us to say "yes" to God. At first, I kind of felt like I had already done that. After all, I had already "surrendered my life to God" and become a Christian. But then I got to thinking more -- I had become a Christian, but that didn't necessarily mean that I had surrendered my life to my Creator.

I made a list of the different areas in my life that I was still withholding from God, areas I was unwilling to surrender. I am sure there are probably more that I simply did not think of, but the number of areas that I was not willing to give up shocked me. Some of them are things and people that mean a lot to me -- things and people that if God were ever to tell me to give up, I would struggle in obeying.

Well a couple weeks after my professor gave us that challenge, I finally said yes to God. Thus began a long journey (that will probably not come to an end until my death) in surrendering my life to Him. All was great for a while, until God started showing me things He wanted me to surrender to Him that I did not want to give up. I wrestled within myself, thinking that surely there was some way to compromise -- to keep doing what I was doing and still honor my promise to God that I would say yes to Him. But deep down I knew... I couldn't have it both ways.

I have decided to follow Jesus. And I don't know what He will have me do, what he will have me give up. Maybe he will have me let go of a loved one, a dream, perhaps my own life. I want to be like Esther in the Bible, who followed God's instructions saying, "If I perish, I perish." My own happiness is not what I should use as the deciding factor. Other people's happiness is not even the deciding factor as to whether or not I follow God's instructions. There should be nothing to decide between; my answer should always be "Yes, God." I might feel hurt, those I care for might feel hurt... But it in the longrun, it will be better for me and for them if I do what God tells me -- whether it's moving away from loved ones, or letting go of someone and letting them move on.

This is my New Year's resolution: to say "yes" to God in the hard things.